One question that has so far gone unasked is this: what qualifies politicians even to discuss standards, let alone impose them upon others? Given the standards of most politicians for ethics, personal hygiene, and relevance to the real world, we're not sure we want them setting standards for anyone else.
Nevertheless, and much to our surprise, the Beltway Bullies have accidentally hit upon a good idea this time -- just not in quite the way they intended. If they believe it is important to test school children, think how much more vital it is that we test our would-be rulers -- those selfsame congresspeople and administrators -- for some minimum level of knowledge and skill.
Herewith we present "The SacredBull Basic English and Math Test for American Politicians":
SECTION I: Competency in English
b. Congress shall make some laws...
c. Americans can do anything they want, except things my colleagues and I, or our largest contributors, personally dislike.
d. Congress can pass anything and do anything it damn well pleases, even stacking the courts with our toadies.
b. The right of the people...shall be infringed, but only gradually, moderately and for the good of children and battered women (except the ones we batter).
c. The right of the people is actually a state's right and the states are a bunch of wusses who'll put up with anything as long as we offer them enough tax-funded loot in return for selling out their citizens.
d. The people are all sitting on their butts watching TV, so we can infringe any damn thing we feel like infringing, and we'll get the media and the FBI and the IRS and all the other alphabet soupers to screw you good if you object.
b. The interstate commerce clause gives us the authority to do anything any time. Therefore there are no other powers left to "reserve" to anybody else. Tough beans.
c. Where'd you get a stupid idea like that? We're more powerful and have bigger guns than they do, and that's all that really matters, isn't it?
b. Oh, don't pay any attention to that. It's just an innocent, cute reference to how the Constitution can be carefully amended in the manners prescribed.
c. It means the Constitution is a species of parrot bred only in the White House basement.
d. It means the Constitution means, not what it says, but whatever we want it to mean at the moment. Besides, most of us never read the damn thing anyway.
e. It's just sarcasm. The Constitution is dead, and we don't give a damn, because we want to do anything we want to do any time we want to do it. Deal with it.
SECTION II: Competency in Mathematics
b. This is another trick question. Next time, a Republican president might be in office, and Roger should give his money to the RNC, instead.
c. I know the president. If Roger gives me the money, I'll give Roger access. Heck, I'll even throw in some hot babes, since Roger said the babes at the White House were too busy stroking Clinton to pay any attention to him.
d. $600,000. (Roger's answer, in testimony before Congress 9/18/97.)
b. Don't worry, we're going to reform the tax system and, as Rep. Mitch McConnell says, "virtually abolish the IRS as we know it"; we'll just have an 82 percent national sales tax, instead.
c. As soon as my term in office is over and I can get an oceanside place in Costa Rica, complete with Uzi-toting bodyguards.
d. What do we care? We'll just let Janet Reno burn the little jerks and claim they committed suicide.
b. Well, it IS already balanced. Didn't you read it in the papers? We're in SURPLUS!! ...uh, as long as you use our unorthodox accounting methods of counting off-budget Social Security, highway, and other trust fund money as on-budget assets, and not counting off-budget liabilities like the trillions in loan guarantees, etc., etc., etc. Just because the national debt is still growing by leaps and bounds doesn't mean you can divert the peoples' attention from what we want it paid to!
c. The politicians and media said it's true, didn't they? What more proof do you want?
d. Hey, that's for the suckers who are still here after 2010 to figure out.
e. Like, I'll be in Costa Rica or some other country with my loot by then. Like, hey, I stole mine fair and square!
What ARE you, politically? Check HERE.
"Think about it. If the general welfare clause of the Constitution allowed unlimited federal powers, why bother with Article I, Section 8, which sets forth the specific powers and duties of the federal government? The Founding Fathers left to the states all responsibilities
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